Calm needn't be the focus

We often think that financial peace or calm is the ultimate goal when it comes to managing our money. We hear phrases like “financial peace of mind” or “calming the storm of debt” and we think, “Yes, that’s what I want. I just want everything to be calm.”

And while there’s nothing wrong with seeking calm, it’s not the point. 

The real goal? Connection.

Connection with our money, our values, our goals—and yes, with the people who matter to us. Because, in truth, calm is temporary. Life isn’t static, and neither is our financial journey. There will always be waves: market shifts, unexpected expenses, changes in personal circumstances. 

Calm comes and goes, but connection remains.

This idea of connection is vital, especially when we consider how we feel, behave, and talk about money. If calm is all we seek, we might be misaligning our aim. 

Here’s why connection is the deeper goal:

1. Feelings: Money and our emotions are intertwined

Think of how we feel about money on a daily basis. Sometimes, it's fear. Sometimes, it's joy. Other times, it’s anxiety or excitement. While financial calm might help to manage our emotional highs and lows, connection asks a different question: What are these feelings really telling me?

Feeling connected to your money means understanding the emotions behind your financial decisions. When you buy something, what are you really purchasing? When you save, in what are you truly investing? Are you securing safety, or are you postponing a dream? 

Emotions like fear, joy, and even guilt are signals about our deeper relationship with money. If we can get curious about them, instead of just calming them down, we get closer to understanding what really drives us. Connection to our feelings helps us make better, more aligned financial decisions.

1. Behaviors: Money habits reflect who we are

Our behaviour with money often reflects more than just a desire for financial calm. It’s about the story we tell ourselves about who we are, and how we move through the world. 

When we aim to be connected to our money, rather than just keeping it stable, we are asking deeper questions like: What do I really want from my life? 

This level of introspection guides not just the saving and spending decisions but also how we plan for the future, give to others, and invest in experiences.

It’s less about doing what will "calm" you and more about doing what will “connect” you to your purpose, your values, and the people in your life.

1. Conversations: More than just calming money talk

Many of us avoid talking about money because it disrupts the calm in our relationships. But avoidance often leads to disconnection. Instead, we need to have connected conversations about money, not just ones aimed at preserving peace.

Talking about money with a spouse, partner, or even a trusted advisor shouldn't be about avoiding discomfort. It should be about connecting around shared goals, being honest about fears, and working together to build a financial future that makes sense for everyone involved.

Real conversations about money build trust, transparency, and deeper bonds, even if they’re uncomfortable at first. They help us stay connected with each other, rather than just trying to calm things down and sweep money worries under the rug.

Calm is not the point. Sure, we all want moments of financial peace. But in a world where things are constantly changing, aiming for calm might be a short-term win. Long-term success lies in connection—being connected to what matters most when it comes to money: your values, your emotions, your goals, and your relationships.

When you stop focusing solely on keeping the financial waters still and start working on staying connected, you'll find that even when the waves come, you're anchored to something deeper. And that’s where real financial resilience comes from—not from the calm, but from the strength of the connections you've built.

So, the next time you think about your financial life, remember: connection is the point, and it will carry you through even when the calm is nowhere to be found.